Our Ancestors Had Marriage Perfected
How Hebrews Went from 9% Divorce in the 1900s to 50% Today—and How Torah Can Restore Us
Introduction
There was a time—not long ago—when Hebrew families, particularly in the Diaspora and African-American communities, maintained marriage rates that reflected Torah-based communal values. Divorce was rare, recorded as low as 9% in the early 20th century among Hebrews in America. Fast-forward a century, and the sacred union that once reflected divine order now dissolves in nearly half of households. How did we fall from a sacred standard? And more importantly, how do we return?
The answer lies in the Torah. In its original language, rhythms, and structure, Torah reveals the sacred balance of the divine masculine and feminine—two distinct but equally vital expressions of Hashem’s image. Their roles are different, yet bound by the same laws, as they strive to achieve harmony, equity, and a national legacy. Rediscovering this duality, rooted in Torah's Law and structure, is the antidote to modern relational breakdown.
Sacred Design: The Divine Masculine and Feminine
From the very beginning, Torah affirms both man and woman as created in the image of Elohim:
“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
—Genesis 1:27
The Hebrew word for image is צֶלֶם (tzelem)—not just appearance, but a functional representation. This means that man and woman together reflect the whole operation of the divine will. They are not identical, but complementary. This is echoed in Genesis 2:18:
“I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
(*עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ — *'ezer kenegdo')A helper opposite him, not beneath or above, but one who mirrors and completes.
In Strong’s Concordance:
‘ezer (5828) – helper, savior, strength (used of God Himself in Psalms)
kenegdo (5048) – corresponding, in front of, counterpart
Together, they form a dynamic unit of balance—covering and purity, provision and preservation, legacy and life-bearing. Both are bound by Torah’s laws and statutes, producing the same righteous outcome, though expressed through distinct functions.
The Divine Blueprint: Culture Rooted in Covenant
“The duality in the sacred union of the Hebrew peoples is displayed not only in biblical text but in culture as well. From being evenly yoked to the psalm of Solomon, this divine framework manifests in how we live and build. The divine masculine holds the keys to legacy and covering, while the divine feminine holds the keys to ritual purity and continuity. Torah’s laws and statutes bind both, and both—though functionally distinct—arrive at the same covenantal result. Hashem’s plan was perfect: not identical in form, but equal in value, balanced in design. Cultures and characters like these build nations.”
—Aniefuna Omenana
This principle, deeply embedded in both Torah and tradition, reveals that when we step into our roles according to divine structure—not societal trends—we unlock collective healing. Solomon’s “plasm” (seed of wisdom and nationhood) was not carried forward by mere chance, but by a balance of zakhar (male) and neqevah (female), each fulfilling their ordained purpose (Genesis 1:27, Strong’s 2145 and 5347).
The nation of Israel was never meant to thrive on independence, but on interdependence—a harmony of roles grounded in justice, love, and holiness.
Communal Laws & Observations
Shabbat & High Holy Days: Roles in Practice
Torah does not leave sacred union as theory—it embeds it into national life. On Shabbat and Mo’edim (Appointed Times), we witness this sacred balance in action:
Men's Duties:
Pilgrimage & Assembly: “Three times a year shall all your males appear before the Lord.” (Exodus 34:23)
Priestly & Sacrificial roles: Handling public offerings and leading national atonement (Leviticus 23).
Teaching the Covenant: “You shall teach them diligently to your children.” (Deuteronomy 6:7)
Women’s Duties:
Sanctifying Time: Candle-lighting and home preparation (based on Exodus 35:3) are entrusted to women to usher in peace and sacred space.
Guarding Ritual Purity: The laws of Niddah and childbirth purification (Leviticus 15 & 12) make women the stewards of Israel’s holiness.
Provisioning Sacred Days: Women managed food preparation for Pesach (Exodus 12) and Shabbat (Exodus 16), embodying logistical holiness.
Unified Duties:
Rest from labor: “You shall not do any work—you, your son, daughter, servant…” (Exodus 20:10)
Affliction of soul (Yom Kippur): Required of all genders (Leviticus 23:27)
National Assembly: “Assemble the men, women, and children…” (Deuteronomy 31:12)
These observances are not merely religious acts—they are ritualized expressions of divine duality, lived out weekly and annually, reinforcing marriage and community cohesion.
Breaking the Design: When Roles Are Lost, So Is Harmony
In modern times, the rise in divorce and family collapse reflects a departure from divine structure. When the masculine no longer covers and teaches, and the feminine no longer preserves and sanctifies, we lose tzelem—the image of God.
Secular society has abandoned the principle of ‘ezer kenegdo,' replacing the sacred balance with power struggles and competing individualism. Torah’s divine boundaries (chukkim and mishpatim) once preserved this equilibrium, ensuring justice and accountability for both.
As written:
“Justice, justice you shall pursue…” (Deuteronomy 16:20)
When justice is gendered or selective, the sacred contract fractures. The Torah requires equal accountability, not identical roles.
How Torah Can Restore Hebrew Marriage
Return to Covenant-Based Marriages
Marriage in Torah is not a contract—it’s a brit (בְּרִית)—a covenant. Like Sinai, it requires mutual sacrifice and enduring commitment (Exodus 19).Relearn the Laws of Family Purity
The Laws of Niddah (Leviticus 15) promote sanctity, anticipation, and healing in both emotional and physical marital relations. It's not restrictive—it's regenerative.Honor Role-Specific Strengths
Torah never erases gender. It uplifts both. Men cover and lead with righteousness. Women preserve and sanctify with holiness. Both are required.Embed Torah into the Home
When the Torah is taught daily (Deuteronomy 6:7), homes become sanctuaries. Divorce rates drop where Torah literacy rises.Sanctify Time Together
Shabbat is not just rest—it’s marriage renewal every week. Candlelight. Wine. Blessings. Intimacy. The Hebrew week revolves around sacred union.
Reclaiming Sacred Union
Torah shows us that when the divine masculine and feminine operate in sync—each fulfilling their ordained function under Hashem’s law—the result is peace (shalom), legacy (zera), and enduring love (ahavah).
We must return to the roots of our language and our laws. Hebrew marriage once reflected divine architecture, with a divorce rate so low it shocked statisticians. That wasn't a coincidence—it was a covenant.
“Choose life, so that you and your seed may live.”
(Deuteronomy 30:19)
To choose life is to choose structure. To choose structure is to choose Torah. And to choose Torah is to restore our homes.
